A Positive Effect of Global Warming

Over this past weekend, Bill Clinton took a playful jab at his former Vice President Al Gore about global warming while hosting the annual Gridiron Dinner in Washington, D.C. It was a pretty funny joke; he noted he was speaking on the night before the start of spring, “otherwise known to Al Gore as proof of global warming.” All jokes aside, little did Mr. Clinton know that a few days after his speech, that global warming would resolve one of the world’s conflicts.

For years, India and Bangladesh have argued over the possession of a tiny uninhabited island in the Bay of Bengal. The island had never been inhabited and has long imposed itself on the skyline of the Bay of Bengal – a whopping 6 feet above sea level. At one point in the dispute, India deployed a Navy fleet to impose her perceived right of possession over the tiny island.

We can now all rest assured that this dispute won’t become hot, not because of India’s new chili pepper grenade, but because of global warming. The island has officially disappeared. Satellite imagery now depicts the island as being underwater. If India wants to defend its rights now, they’ll have to send a fleet of submarines to protect it from a stray pod of dolphins.

For all the harm global warming is causing and the negative impact it is having on conflict by decreasing fresh water supplies and increasing desertification, it has positively affected this conflict. Now India can focus all her military forces on showboating along the border with Pakistan.

A New Biological Weapon

India has a new weapon and it’s very unconventional, it’s the newest biological weapon. When one hears the term biological weapon, thoughts of fear and terrorism quickly come to mind, but in this case, these fears should not arise. India has essentially created a new form of tear gas, an all natural one. Scientist have constructed a means of containing the extracts of bhut jolokia, the world’s hottest chili, into hand grenades. The Indian Ministry of Defense claims that these new grenades will be vital in the fight against terrorism because the grenades will be able to force terrorists out of caves with their spiciness.

Not only has India created a biological weapon with no negative environmental or health effects, but it has also found a way of incorporating the often volatile and ignored Northeastern region into the political mix. The chili in grown primarily in the Northeast, a region in which Maoist have created an ongoing and strong insurgency. By increasing the use and demand for the chilis, the chili grenade has also increased the crop’s value. This will encourage further farming of the chili and provide additional formal means of employment and inclusion within the governance process.

India may have killed two birds with one stone by creating the chili grenade.